A Gatherer

I am a gatherer. I gather in beings that are not mine, and I nurture them. 

Then I free them. Because I have loved them just enough, and as they needed. 

Inherent Goodness

I'm relaxing at home this morning after a long work week. Suddenly, the garage door starts to spontaneously operate. Very random- up, half down, back up, all the way down, etc. I'm kind of creeped out and trying to decide if I should just disable it. I peek outside several times and don't see anyone but a little kid, kicking at the ground, waiting for the bus. Finally I get brave and head outside. A man walking 2 beautiful dogs waves and yells "hey!! I think this is yours!", and holds up the garage door opener we lost last week. Apparently he has been clicking it on all his dog walks lately, trying to find the right house. People are better than we think. Mostly. Thanks, awesome neighbor!! 😁

P.S. I even got to play with the pooches a little, which made it even more perfect. 

How I Became A Bitch

I didn't write this. More borrowed words. But I'm glad someone did, and that I can use their words to share and explain. 

I never thought of myself as someone who thrives on chaos and crisis. But after all those years, I do know that I'm a person who manages such things rather well. I also know that it did truly change me.  I'm pretty sure I allowed it to affect my family and other relationships along the way.  I'm also glad that I switched out from it when I did. Now is the healthiest I've felt in years. It makes me want to be even healthier. And it drives me to support my ER brothers and sisters even better than I could when I was in the thick of it. Here's to all my favorite bitches! Don't let yourself get too hard, and stay well. 

Working in the ER changes you. 

It is unlike any other place in the hospital. You are dealing with a constant stream of people who are having some kind of stressful event in their lives.  We may not think it is a crisis, but for them it is. 

The ER never ends. It never closes. Its 24/7.  There is never a break. It can be quiet one minute and chaos the next. You can be dealing with a stubbed toe and in rushes someone with a gunshot wound or a cardiac arrest We live our life on the edge.

You are dealing with everyone from A to Z.  Many of the people who frequent ERs are living dysfunctional lives. They bring that dysfunction into the ER with them. They can be drunks, junkies, criminals, the homeless, the mentally ill, the neurotic.  We deal with violent drunks, drug seekers,  homeless people who haven't bathed for months, out of control psych patients, manipulative people who can turn on a dime if they don't get what they want.

We work in a chaotic environment of ringing alarms, yelling patients, ringing phones, overhead paging... When it ramps up its overwhelming.

You know all of the above going in, or at least you think you do.  When you choose to take a job in the ER, you are the kind of person who thrives on chaos and crisis.  Bring it on.

Here's the thing about the ER that people don't get: It is not like ER on TV.  We are not constantly dealing with a car accident, a shooting, a cardiac arrest.  We get critical patients. Often. That's actually the fun part of my job. Ninety nine percent of the time it is routine, dull even. 

My job is the everyday world of the ER: the abdominal pains, back pains, chest pains, mental health, etc. etc. etc. that make up the daily operation of an ER.  Its boring really.  Its predictable.

Being an ER nurse, you see a lot of tragedy.  Tragedy in the form of suffering people with cancer who are dying, terrible chronic diseases or conditions, unwanted elderly people..  People die.  Families suffer.  It is sad.

Then you see people who are such ineffective copers that a cold sends them over the edge and into the ER.  They are the type of people who will never have their own doctor.  There lives are such chaos that the concept is foreign to them. 

Every day you deal with drug seekers in their various forms.  They lie and manipulate to get what they want.  You learn to recognize them a mile away.

Then there are the just plain mean people. You learn just how many of them there are in the world. They yell at you, verbally abuse you, threaten you, may try to hit you and succeed. They are the out of control people down the hall yelling at the top of their lungs because they didn't get what they wanted.

All this changes you.  Hardens you.  Makes you cynical..  You develop a shell that protects you most of the time. It changes your view of people, the world.   It exposes you to things most people don't see. It gives you a perspective on your own life and how it ain't so bad.

Being an ER nurse is so very difficult.  You cannot understand how difficult unless you do it. The only things that saves you is the occasional thank you, the thought that you made someone feel better or participated in extending someones life at least enough to get them out of the ER.

Last but not least, you will work with people who are hilarious, smart, dedicated and some of the nicest people you will ever meet.  They keep you coming back.

Fight Song

Tonight on Social Media I've seen lots of Notre Dame pics and posts. 

The Notre Dame fight song is the same tune as both my elementary and high school fight songs. 

Though I was a cheerleader, I can't recall the words of my own schools' fight songs. 

That's because my mom taught me a parody to the same tune many years ago in our church's parking lot, and they're the only words I've been able to associate that tune with since. 

Sing with me:

Beer, beer for old Bippus High

You bring the whiskey, I'll bring the rye

Send those freshmen out for gin

Don't let a sober sophomore in

We'll never stagger

We'll never fall

We'll sober up on wood alcohol

As our loyal faculty 

Lie drunk on the ballroom floor

I can still perform an entire dance routine to that tune, but the words always remain as above. 

Stolen words

"I'm basically a huge coward about making new friends. I'm awesome at making acquaintances. But actual friends? As a grown-up? It all feels like such a risk. It's not uncommon for me to know someone for years before we decide if we like each other enough to make the transition from chatting in Target to actually being real friends."

http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/2013/12/for-auld-lang-syne.html?m=1

Worth the read. I thought I only felt this very way because I got "messed up" somewhere along the way. I've blamed my work. I've blamed various losses of important people. I've felt I had even more to feel guilty about because I don't have a passel of kids I'm chasing after as a "good excuse". 

Turns out, I'm normal. I'm validated. 

Nature Friends

We've made lots of animal friends here on the island. The animals make us happy. 

These donkeys and goats live happily together in this spot between the grocery and our resort. 

They are kept in by the cactus fence, but lots of other goats and donkeys just roam about the land feely:

Adam got too close to these dudes for my comfort. I'm probably way too cautious, but the hospital here is tiny (60 beds. But they do have a hyperbaric chamber because of all the diving), and I have no idea how lifting out by air would work, or how long it would take to arrange transfer to a more equipped facility. I digress...back to the animals!

This cutie kept landing on my hammock one afternoon while I was out reading a book about the lives of strippers (free vacation reading, indulge me here!). There's also tons of hummingbirds and some butterflies. The next birds live at the eating place we tend to watch the sun set from more days than not, and where we spent our anniversary evening- Captain Don's. 

They don't really speak, but they squawk a lot. 

We also met this big guy at Captain Don's Habitat:

We didn't bother him much. He had some very pretty pals swimming below his coral perch:

Here's our view from our sunset spot:

There are also an abundance of small lizards of various sizes and colors. Here's one that was just now hanging out with me on our porch....

I don't like the ants or Mosquitos. They bite, so they don't get a blog feature. 

We do have a very special sweet girl we met down by the pool one night. 

She loves cuddles and detests almond milk. 

When we go inside, she sits outside our door and mewls for more attention. 

She's the favorite. 

Here's our favorite sign, on the grocer's door:

"Please put on your clothes before entering"

Guess there's a little bit of animal inside us all. 

Oh, and this guy is my favorite:

Bon Bini!

L. 

Time Outside

Swimming always makes me hungry. Good thing we stocked the kitchen a bit. The tiny fridge is the cutest:

The grocery store within walking distance is called Zhung Kong. It's very expensive. Eggs, bread, and beer are priced cheaply; meats, liquor, and fresh veg are much more than we're used to. 

So, back to swimming...

After we have pool time, there's a bit of work to be done:

This is where the lounging and swimming happen:

This entrance is at the back of our place. 

It takes you down the hall....

And into...

Which is beside...

The pool! We've spent a bunch of time in there. Haven't even been in the ocean yet. The pool is saltwater. The hot tubs are not. They aren't hot either. Which is reasonable...

Before you can switch from the pool to the jacuzzi, you have to rinse off so you don't mess up the sweetwater with the saltwater:

This shower is made from an old telephone pole somebody knocked down with their car. 

It's warmer than I'd expected. 

Next to the shower is my favorite, favorite part!

The library!! You can nap there. It's amazing. The print on the table decor says "EASY LIFE". 

I have to agree. 

Again, note the Ikea design. The owners, Anno and Sebastian, are from Holland. ;)

The books are in Dutch, English, or Spanish. All the magazines are Dutch, but I've enjoyed the pictures.

Today is our actual anniversary day. 

We will go out for dinner tonight at Captain Don's, which is just walking distance down the road. 

Pics from there, and more later!

All love,

L.